I Love You Forever

So I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore :p You've probably all completely given up on me, but tonight I just have a lot on my mind and felt this was the best way to get it out. I should warn you in advance that this will probably make you cry if you read it; I apologize for that. There is something about a new year that makes you reflect on the year that has passed, and I'm not going to lie 2010 sucked. A lot of things happened, and I lost a lot of people that I love. I guess that's what prompted me to write this tonight.

I've been thinking a lot about my grandma lately and missing her a lot. I miss the way she'd tease you that even though you may be taller than her, she'll still always be bigger than you and people can see her behind you. I miss the way she'd brag to everyone she saw about every little thing you did no matter how insignificant you thought it was. I miss the family functions she would plan that always brought us together. I miss getting the cousins together before the parties to either fill Easter eggs, or little grab bags with whatever random candies and toys that Grandma had bought a million of because they were "on sale." I think of the giant 50s party that Grandma threw for all of her family where Ryan and I learned to swing dance together and won the prize for being the best dancers. Where there was cotton candy and popcorn, music and games that continued late into the night and then when we were all exhausted we spent the night in tents that were set up in the backyard. In the morning I woke up to find that I had slept so soundly I didn't even notice that the tent had collapsed on top of me :p LOL I remember the time when we wanted ice cream, but our parents said no there wasn't any, so Grandma took us an walked up to the Crest station just so we could get an ice cream cone.

I miss how simple and carefree life was when I was little. Pebbles and I running around trying to avoid being caught and tickled by Uncle Rick, and protecting the olives on our plate from the Uncle Junior who we lovingly nicknamed "Juingerbread." I miss laughing hysterically while flying through the air from the arms of one uncle to the next off of Grandma and Grandpa's front porch. I miss driving all over town with Grandma to go shopping and do all of her errands, but we hardly noticed it because Pebbles and I were having so much fun looking for anything that had the color purple on it and shouting "PURPLE!!!" at the top of our lungs, and then we would discuss how we could get our birthdays changed to February so that our birthstone could be the purple Amethyst. I miss having sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's house where we got to stay up really late watching Star Trek, The X-Files, or British Comedies and eating Chicken Noodle Soup or Chili from a sour cream container for dinner and then having vanilla ice cream with whatever toppings we wanted for dessert, and then we'd fall asleep on the floor looking up at the mirror on the ceiling above the fan. I miss going to Reams and getting bubblegum flavored ice cream and seeing the giant pants hanging from the ceiling and being told that" those pants up there belong to Grandpa Bishop." I miss the way Grandma and Grandpa always had a puzzle set up on a card table in the middle of the living room and we would sit for hours working on it and trying to get it finished while Arthur and Daytime Soap Operas played on the TV in the background because that's how Grandma knew what time it was. I miss making lemonade stands and sitting out on the front sidewalk trying to get people to stop and buy some lemonade or vegetables from the back garden from us. I miss picking up rocks in the garden because we were told that we would get a quarter for getting a full bucket. I miss picking raspberries from the bushes and even though there may have been 2 baskets of berries on the bush only one ever made it into the house because we ate so many while we were picking them.

I miss just being with Grandma and listening to her telling stories about Mrs. So and So who she fully expected you to know and remember even if you had no idea who she was talking about. Even though I frequently tuned her out and didn't really pay attention to what she was telling me, I really did like that she was talking to me. I know I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have while she was here, and even in recent years I wouldn't stop by to visit because I thought I was too busy and didn't have time to spend hours talking to her (because no matter how brief you thought a visit would be, it never would be because she always had so much to talk about and it was almost impossible to stop her once she got started. :p). I regret those decisions now, but I know there is no use worrying about it because I can't change it now. I just hope that she knew/knows how much I love and appreciate her and everything that she did for me. Even though she was a little bit odd and kind of embarrassing at times I don't think I could have gotten a better Grandma. She taught me to love everyone and to always give of myself. She was one of the most selfless people to ever live. There wasn't ever a time she would say, "no I'm to busy," or "I can't be bothered with that," or "I don't have any money to spare." She was always willing to give whatever someone needed. I remember one time there was a terrible accident on the street right in front of her house and Grandma rushed out with a bunch of her nice washcloths to give to the bleeding and injured passengers of the car, and to offer any assistance she might be able to give. She was a wonderful role model to me and I hope that I can be just like her someday.

Its no wonder I miss her so much. I was blessed to have the time I had with her, and even though I think it was way too short and it was unfair for her to be taken so abruptly from us. I know that she is in a better place and that Heavenly Father must have needed her for something more important up there in Heaven. I am grateful for all the memories that I have of her, and the wonderful time that I got to spend with her, and I will continue to miss her very much no matter how much time passes by without her. My friend Lindsay put it perfectly when she said, "It's unfortunate how time moves on. It always feels like it was just yesterday and yet the time flies by." This is exactly how I feel about losing Grandma. It has been almost a year now since she was called home, but it feels like I just saw her smiling face just yesterday. I love her very much and I hope she knows that. The best I can do is to keep her memory alive by continuing her legacy of love and service. Thank you Grandma! I love you! <3